Friday, November 04, 2011

Incident in the Gents at Harvester

The toilets in this new 'Harvester' restaurant near us are Awesome....
(I find I appreciate an eating place much better if they have good toilets!)

Not only are they individual 6x4 cubicles (so someone with my 'bladder shyness' can pee in freedom) they have them very smart mosaic tiles and are very flash, but the floors have this weird 'waxiness' coating (either that or the previous occupier had a really 'bad do') which I found odd and albeit curious I figured it must be some sort of 'health & safety' Non-Slip thing,... now, although.... Not obviously "Slippy" (you almost had to force your feet along the floor) there was an 'Ooziness' about it, but while I was leaning against the wall, waiting for my eldest to finish something that may very well sink a ship when it makes it out into the atlantic, I noticed my feet slowly making their way across the floor??

Now, I have my moments of pin-point focus... Unfortunately now wasn't one of them, as I was very much admiring the new taps, so whilst my feet were sliding across the floor, "simultaneously" my body was rotating along with my head until I found myself forehead pressed against the wall.. now you'd think being an ex-Navy Seal, I'd be 'atuned' to being in compromising positions wouldn't you, but having my hands jammed in my pockets and stuck IN there, then this was going to complicate things... I Did say This wasn't one of my Times of Focus!

Anyway, by this time I'm sliding down until my cheek met the toilet roll dispenser and my heels butted up against the opposing wall, my son in bulk, until he realised he was "turtling" again and got back to his 'Bizzness'

The only way I could seem to get myself out of this disjointed jam was to bend, sliding my face down the wall until my knees were touching the floor (wet floor) the very same floor that contained 'shit-knows' what... God help me of I'm seen coming out of the gents with wet knees... Thankfully I'd be coming out with a child, but come to think of it, that may actually be worse?

"Damn You Shitty Focus!"

Getting back to my feet, the boy noticed that there was a smudge mark off my forehead on the newly painted walls!


I quickly got some wet tissue and wiped...

"Double Bollox!!"

...there was now some paint smudged from the wall...

I grabbed the boy and we exited...


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