Sunday, July 24, 2011

Wasp's need hairbrushes

Ok, so here we are in Wales, and amongst the stuff we haven't brought (like my Flip Flops) is a child's hair brush for the youngest, who looks like the "Wild Woman of Borneo" so we've literally got her one about an hour ago and she's not used it yet.

Just sat havin mi dinner on the deckin in the glorious sunshine, the brats are frolicking with the alligators at the lake (Geese actually) and I'm being harassed by Wasps... I really REALLY hate wasps, Nasty little b@stards who serve no purpose in life and should be exterminated on site.

Now, me being an ex-navy seal an'all, I've terminated a good few over the last couple of days and am now classed as an "Ace" (more than 5 kills), but I seem to have met my match today with the "Red Baron" of Wasps...

It Dives at me, Barrel Rolls, performs "Immelman turns" and Stall tactics, I've a sneaky suspicion the local hive has sent me a Pro that must have been trained by Russian MIG fighter pilots; No matter how many times I took a ninja swipe at it, he avoided me... Even the wife's "Woman's Weekly" couldn't Spank this little F*cker!

Then.... It landed... perched, teasing me, and the cocky little Bastard turned its back & pointed its Rear End at me...

"You arrogant scrote" I thought!

But.... I had a trick up my sleeve, my new weapon, 10 inches of Ass Destruction!!

The Pink Hair Brush!!

I calmly... Nee.. Stealth-like, slid my hand across the patio table, fingered the brush into the palm of my hand and gripped it like an Anaconda; I squinted and cocked my head to one side, I was primed...

And the Wasp..? He throbbed his ass and raised his sting up... "Game on!"

I lurched at it, Swinging the brush down like an Executioners Axe!


The brush exploded! All I had left was the handle!

Deathly silence.... That was until my "loving family" the ones I swore to protect, the ones I had offered myself up in sacrifice in a fight to the death...?


Even the family at the next caravan laughed.... (they obviously don't know how dangerous I am yet!)

And the Wasp...? My adversary, My..... Nemisis??

He was now perched on the bird feeder flipping me the Bird!

"Until next Time, Baron Manfred von Richthofen "



Anonymous said...

Just fabulous.
Your stories are not always laugh-out-loud funny, but they always create such vivid pictures!

Anonymous said...


Gobby said...

This was laugh out loud funny, the neighbours are now thinking I've definitely gone loony