Its NOT What it looks like.... Seriously!

(Circa July 2002)

I have a real problem with work phones!
The problem that I have with it is, that for some reason there are times that you REALLY don't want it to ring, and when it does I snatch at it; Now the rea lproblem with me snatching at it is when the snatching only loosely grabs it, lifting off the base station, but the momentum of the grabbing is not enough to keep a hold of it, thus it usually ends up flying across the desk, to the surprise of those sat opposite me...

Luckily these phones have the coiled wire on them, so they inevitably come to a halt, mid-air and start their acceleration back towards either me or the mug of coffee on the desk - To add to that, the person on the other end of the phone also get all the clattering and screaching (and inevitable a "Bollox" from me) and usually hang up by the time I actually get a hold of the handset again, which adds to the spiralling stress levels of the day!

What made this regular occurrence more enjoyable for me on this particular day was that I'd just eaten a Twix and had a fingers full of melted ooze at the time I did the usual snatch for the telephone, so after everything else, I then had a phone covered in brown sticky mess!

To then end up with the toilet roll observation, which was that I then went to the Gents to grab a handfull of bog-roll, and 'in a temper' which is nothing unusual for me, I stomped in, burst open the cubicle (luckily for them, no-one happened to be in it at the time), snatched (you think I'd have learned my lesson by now wouldn't you?), at the roll of toilet paper, obtaining about a metres worth, yanked (in the hope that the paper would detatch itself from the roll, but it didn't, No... of course that would have been too easy...

The metre's worth I had simply ripped part way across the roll, and then continued to extend, came off the holder and became about 30 feet's worth all strewn across the marble bathrooms that this particular workplace had!

You think that would be the end of it wouldn't you.... but NO! someone just HAD to come in at that time; so if you can picture the scene....

Me, hands covered in a brown, sticky substance, with toilet roll ALL OVER THE PLACE!

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