My Mate Ted

(Legacy posting Circa 2002)

What can I say about my mate ted, (now an ex-colleague from years ago) apart from the fact that EVERY time, without fail we go out, I always seem to get soaked in Beer; this has happened a few times in different ways, as follows :

The Old Smack the Bottle Trick

Now.... what Ted does here, is wait till u have your bottle of Budweiser exposed, and he taps his bottle on the top of mine in a downwards motion, (the first time saying 'cheers') and mili-seconds later you have beer gushing out of your bottle all over yourself, so now I try never to sit down near him, otherwise it looks like you've Pissed yourself all night.

When Head-butting a woman, aint the best way to go...

We went out yonks ago on a leaving do, and were in some club in Manchester stood around in a circle, when Ted thought it would be a good idea to shake up his bottle of beer and put his thumb partiaially over the spout (like Grand-prix winners do) and spray it all over me... Unfortunately he did it so's the beer flooded all into my face, so blinded me, and a natural reaction was to flip my head back, but there was a group of women (with boyfreinds) behind us, and one in particularly DIRECTLY behind me so I inadvertantly rear-head butted her which sent her flying. Now I couldnt see for a while, and rather luckily the group of boyfriends obviously say that it was an accident as they didnt come and pound the sh*t out of me!

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