Sunday, April 10, 2011

And THAT is why I can't go back to Tiggi's

Christmas 1999, and the company Do at 'Tiggis' in the Trafford Centre (Manchester) - I don't think its there any more, but thats nothing to do with me!

The company had their usual 'Yawn Fest' Speeches, etc.. etc. which like most people, I wasn't paying too much interest in, as we were all ready for our meal and then Gargantuan P*ss-Up in one of the Italian Restaurants up-stairs....

Well many hours and drinks later, I was past tiddly and at the point where I was Heavy-Breathing, trying not to puke, when my then-girlfriend (Now Wife) collared me to inform me that one of her work colleagues had err.... well.... .NOT been practicing the Heavy-Breathing technique to NOT puke, and had filled her handbag.

Now... at this time (and I still don't quite remember how it came about), I decided or was told to, take the bag to the Gents (downstairs) to clean it... So... < you keeping up? > I'm well pissed done the Gentlemanly thing, slung the Handbag (with a splish-splosh noise) over my shoulder and made my way through a CROWDED bar downstairs to the Gents with this Handbag and probably a very stupid (and mistakenly CAMP) smile!
On entry to the Gents, I came upon a scene reminiscant of many B-movie horror flicks... There appeared to be blood all over the floor, walls and sinks. The toilets in this place are magnificant marble, which was a shame - It wasnt Blood, but a variant colour of all the 'Shorts' that had been on offer over the bar.

One of my colleagues was bent over the sink bringing up everything he contained, he looked up, through the mop of sickened long hair (he was a bit of a hippie) and then proceeded to continue.

I thought I'd take a piss at the same time, which upon opening a cubicle found that to also be caked in the red puke, I came out where he apologised as that's where he'd started (how he got it so high up I dont know, but he should be in the fire brigade!)

Next cubicle I thought...

Upon opening the other cubicle I found another colleague, sat on the toilet, pants around ankles, covered in puke, having a dump.... BUT on seeing me he seemed to burst into tears, stand up (I DREAD to think what dropped out at this time) and started lumbering towards me... I backed out of the cubicle, with him grasping at my body, hoping he wasn't about to puke, to which he then slumped, slid down my body onto his knees!

So now picture this (AS PEOPLE ENTERED THE GENTS!)

ME, Handbag over shoulder, Male (number 1) being sick in the sinks!
and Male (number 2) On his knees, Pants around ankles with his head at my CROTCH...

Not a proud day for me!


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