Monday, April 04, 2011

Don't mind if I do...

It was a Christmas Do for the company I worked for at the time (around 1995), and the location was the Albert Hotel, opposite Granada studios in Manchester. Now at this time in my life I was actually quite shy, and hated big occasions as I usually ended up making a fool of myself, and as usual, this occasion was going to be no different that any other.

I stood outside on the car park preparing myself, "Deep Breaths!" I thought to myself... "Walk in, look comfortable in your surroundings and the night will go well"... so in I strolled, confident as I could get away with, nodded to a couple of staff who'd already arrived, and headed straigh to the bar... "Get yourself a Dutch courage down your throat my son!"... now for those of you who don't know the place, the bar that I was in had mirrors behind it, so I could see myself, and the people sat down, "Yes... going rather well" I thought!

The bar man came over.. "What's it to be Sir?"

"I'll have a Bottle of Bud please!"

The bar man went off to do his thing, and for some reason, what I did next really has never gone away!

I looked to my right and there was a small group of business men stood at the bar, having the usual chin-wag, letching at one of the waitresses etc... and in-front of them ON THE BAR (and that I stress) was a bowl of crisps.... so without thinking anything, I leaned over, grabbed a finger's worth, straight down the throat, and watched the bar-man approach me with the opened bottle of Bud!

"Excuse me!" I heard vaguely from my right. (and looking at the mirrors opposite, I could see the men glaring at me..?)

I paid for my drink, and took a swig (ignoring them!)

"EXCUSE ME!?!" I again heard, a little louder this time... I looked to my right to see the 5 astonished business men glaring at me

"Err... Yeah?" I quizzically replied

"We've just paid for these crisps!"

Well.. it was a good job I'd swallowed the mouthfull of Bud I'd just taken, as it suddenly dawned on me that the crisps I'd just gobbled down, were in fact NOT bar-snacks as I'd stupidly assumed, but freshly made on demand


I hastily took another swig of Bud, and leaning on the bar, turned around to see a SHITLOAD more fellow workers were now laughing hysterically at me!

Some time later, there was a tap on my shoulder and one of the business men handed the left-over crisps to me with "As your so hungry, we left you some" and waddled off sniggering!

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