Monday, April 04, 2011

Do German's have a sense of humour?

A few years ago, I worked for a computer Consultancy (Should've learned my lesson!), and as part of this I would be re-located to numerous country wide areas (Bristol, Glasgow, Camberley etc..) and as such, would more often than not, have to get Bed and Breakfast's for the stay's..

One time when I was in Camberley, I got myself into a great little Bed 'n' Breakfast, with about 10 rooms, and it was cosy and a great place to get back to at the end of the day, that was... until.....

The Germans arrived.

First I knew of it was arriving back at the place late one night, to walk into the hallway and into a mass of blonde Aerians.. The Master Race, all arguing and jostling anyone who happened to walk into the area.

I walked in, packed like a mule with laptop, and various other bags of crap, to silence... then a few undertoned comments, whic impressed the shit out of me instantly. Now for those of you who know me I have the patience threshold of a tissue, meaning, I don't suffer people who annoy me too long, and I get rattled by people very quickly, especially if I've already made up my mind that they were Assholes!

Alas, after much 'purpousful' and tactical charging, barging and mutterings of my own, I managed to acquire my key, and made off to my room, ready for the silence that lasted a matter of minutes; this was shattered by a million 'Marching' footsteps clunking down corridors above and outside my room, and then loud and very, VERY annoying laughter. It has been said before that Germans do not have a sense of humour, but more a very public and 'showy' passion which generally annoys non-Germans about as much as the old 'Towel' practice of grabbing the best poolside spots (usually about 3am in the morning).

So as you can tell, come morning, I was p*ssed to say the least. So out of my room I went and made my way to the Breakfast room, which usually was scattered with more than the average single person tables, with the odd double/quad table. If you've never worked away then you'll not understand that most businessmen when they go to 'meal' they like to sit alone, just like the old 'Train/Bus or Underground' practice of grabbing a chair not currently occupied and making sure it's filled to capacity by yourself and all the crap you carry.

I arrived to be seated in the corner I usually occupied, along with my morning read (Sun/Star) and grabbed my first cup of coffee, letting on silently to the other single businessmen that had began to arrive, with the odd eye-brow twitch here and there.. and then like the fellow occupants to notice that the breakfast room was slightly re-designed, differently than normal... There was a long 10/12 seater row of tables in the middle of the room...hmmmm obviously they were to be seated shortly!

Then, the noise and now immediately recognised stomp, stomp, stomp of marching feet started.... Perfectly synchronised!

They arrived, all with their neatly folder newspapers and almost marine-like hairdo's, all no doubt murmuring numerous insults about the rest of us in the room, and seated themselves, instantly ravaging the breakfast bar, as if it was the last thing they'd eat.

You could hear the very quite and discreet 'Ahem's sounding around the room, like a Mexican Wave, as we all gave our internal opinions of what was in progress... luckily I wasn't going to be around for too much longer so just carried on reading my Tabloid, hoping for something to break the atmosphere.... then it came, just like a miracle!

Now, I don't know what German Cereal is like, but I do know that any English kid, who's ever had breakfast will know what the Kellogs selection boxes are like, y'know the ones, about 10/12 small sample, one-hit-wonder breakfasts, all individually wrapped, and boxed... Apparently, Germans do not, and this was to make for a morning I'll never forget, and still makes me titter every time I shop for cereal!

As said before, the 'invaders' had pissed us all off by ravaging, like locusts, the breakfast bar of Orange juice, toast etc... so we were well ready for some entertainment, and it came in the shape of these little boxes of Dynamite....

Numerous mini-conversations started up between partners around the table, as they inspected the carboard packets, just like Audi technicians, they poked, proded and slowly but surely, like a prowling cat, opened the boxes, to find.... Sealed packets of cereal!

Now if your like me, then you'll know that theres a trick to opening these little bombs, and Yanking at them is not that trick, so I'm sure you'll understand and appreciate how the rest of us gradually began to watch what was happening, while slowly crouching behing our bowls and newspapers, waiting for the 'proverbial' ticking to stop.

There seemed to be a sacrificial lamb appointed, the 'newby' who must have ben at the bottom of the pecking order ladder, who started to get directions from all angles from the rest of the Alpha Males, and his instructions (loosely translated) must have been to Yank as hard as possible.... Hmmm... the ticking was getting louder....

This guy, was breaking a sweat, pulling harder and harder, with no apparent give in the packaging, until...


The package gave in, and showered the whole of the group with Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.....

Well.... us 'locals' burst out laughing, some of us even may have pissed ourselves for a good few seconds, and then stopped.....

Not ONE of the Germans were laughing...

so... theres your answer to whether the Germans have a sense of humour or not..... "They Don't!"

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